Day of Mourning: Jessica Blackie Gillis' Story

Ashley: Hello and welcome to Safe and Sound, a podcast from the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety. Every April, in preparation for the day of mourning, we invite a guest from Threads of Life to come on the podcast and share their story of how a workplace tragedy has impacted their life. The National Day of Mourning, marked in Canada each April 28th, is dedicated to remembering those who've lost their lives suffered injury or illness on the job or experienced a work-related tragedy. Threads of Life is a Canadian charity dedicated to supporting families after workplace fatalities, life altering injuries or occupational disease. We're joined today by Ambassador Jessica Blackie Gillis to learn about her brother Skyler, and how Threads of Life was able to support her family. Thank you so much for being here, Jessica.

Jessica: Thank you for having me.

Ashley:Tell us about your brother Skyler. What were some of the things he loved, and what kind of work did he do?

Jessica:It sounds so cliche, and I hate to start on a cliche, but Skyler was just one of those people who filled a room the second he walked into it. He had this bright smile and a natural confidence that just made people gravitate towards him. And I have to say one of the most annoying things about him as a younger brother was that in high school, I was known as Skyler's sister, not the other way around, which it typically would be. So, I think that speaks a lot about him. He was kind of the quintessential middle child. He definitely knew how to stir the pot. He absolutely knew how to push all of my buttons as his big sister. But at the same time, he was one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever known, and actually one of his firefighting brothers told a story at his funeral about how they were both testing for the same job within the fire service, and he was struggling to finish one of the tasks and even though they were technically competing against each other, Skyler was standing there cheering him on as loud as he could, and that just really sums up who he was. He loved being a part of his community and he loved being around kids, probably cause he was a big kid himself. He worked at one of our local community centers as a counselor and a lifeguard through his teen years. And he we actually worked at rival community centers. So it was an ongoing sibling competition every summer of whose summer camp was better. And honestly, I could talk about my brother all day, but more than anything, he loved helping people. And from a really young age, he knew he was going to be a firefighter. And once he decided that, there really wasn't a backup plan in his mind. And although my parents did make him have a backup plan, he he attended the Community College for an HVAC course. But firefighting for him was always the goal. He was he was going to be a firefighter.

Ashley: Oh, nice.

Jessica:The minute he turned 18, he signed up to be a volunteer. He worked incredibly hard, and then eventually he became a full-time career firefighter in Truro, Nova Scotia. And he spent the last 10 years of his life doing what he loved first as a volunteer, the last six years as a career firefighter. And it was never just a job for him. It was truly who he was.

Ashley: He sounds like an amazing guy who really knew what he wanted in life.

Jessica:Yes.

Ashley: I know this is hard, so please take your time. Tell us about the day that Skyler didn't come home from training.

Jessica:So that day, it started out completely ordinary. To kind of set the scene, I was very pregnant with my second child. I was out shopping with my almost four-year-old daughter for some baby things, getting ready. My husband was working overtime. My parents were getting ready to leave for Florida later that day, and then my two younger brothers were both at the Nova Scotia Firefighter School, completing a certification exam. So it's just like a normal Saturday. While I was out shopping, I called my mom for her opinion on something. She didn't answer, which wasn't unusual. So then I called my dad. He picked up and his voice just sounded off. He sounded a little agitated and he said that there had been an accident at the during training and they were heading to the hospital. At first, I really didn't think it was anything serious. Skyler had a bit of a history with minor injuries. It sounds so odd, but my first thought was, Oh my goodness, did he like, lose his toe for real this time? Cause he'd almost lost his toe twice before.

Ashley: Oh wow.

Jessica: Yeah. So after that, I called my husband to let him know that what I'd heard. He offered to come home early and I kind of just laughed it off. And I said no, honestly, like, I just hope mom and dad can still catch their flight tonight. And that's honestly like how little I thought of it at that time. My daughter and I headed home and I got updates at first, but then they stopped coming. And as that time kept ticking by with no updates, I started getting this like sinking feeling in my chest. A couple hours after that, my husband walked through the front door hours earlier than I was expecting to see him, which just completely threw me off. And he told me that my mom had called and he didn't want me to be home alone, or for me to be home alone with our daughter panicking. And she had asked him to bring me to the hospital. And it was in that moment that I knew. I was almost full term and it was cold and flu season, so no one was going to ask me to come to the hospital unless it was to say goodbye.

Ashley: Of course.

Jessica: After that, we spent 10 days in the ICU hoping for a miracle that never came. And on March 20th of 2019, he passed away from his injuries and that was kind of the day that our life was split into before and after.

Ashley:I'm so sorry and thank you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to relive that day. And thank you for sharing it with us and with our listeners. Tell us a little bit about how you came to be involved with Threads of Life and and how they provided support.

Jessica:Yeah, so the day that he passed, I remember walking outside the hospital that morning. It happened to be the first day of spring, and it was one of those beautiful, warm, sunny days. And I remember just standing there outside the hospital looking around and feeling this overwhelming awareness that the world was moving on as if nothing had happened. There were people driving by, people walking by, going to work, talking, laughing, and no one around knew that our world had just stopped and changed forever. And that's one of the strangest parts of grief for me is that realizing that even when your world stops, the world doesn't stop. But also, at the same time, my life didn't get to pause. Less than a month after Skyler's funeral, I gave birth to my second daughter, Vera Sky, who was named after him. And so I live in the space where I was grieving one of the biggest losses of my life, while also experiencing one of the greatest joys, and it just felt like I was living two lives at once, one filled with love and new beginnings, and another that was just permanently marked by loss. In those early months, I remember feeling like our family was carrying something that most people around us couldn't fully understand, and that eventually led us to Threads of Life. What they do is connect families who have experienced workplace tragedy with other families who understand that kind of loss. They offer peer support, community and a space where you don't have to explain why certain dates are hard or why grief just never disappears. And just as importantly, they work on prevention. They bring these stories into workplaces and classrooms so that people understand that safety decisions aren't abstract. They affect real people and real families. So for me, being involved with Threads of Life helped me realize that telling Skyler's story, it wasn't just about looking back. It was going to be a way to honor him and hopefully protect someone else that this happening from somebody else.

Ashley: Absolutely. If you could give our listeners one piece of advice about workplace safety, what would that be?

Jessica: If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to never ignore that inner voice that tells you when something isn't right. Workplace tragedies usually aren't the result of one reckless decision. They're often the result of a lot of small things, a shortcut that might feel harmless that day, a piece of equipment that hasn't been checked properly, a concern that just kind of gets brushed aside because everyone is assuming it's just going to be fine. In Skyler's case, he pointed out the rest of the extinguisher, but he trusted the system that it was safe, that it had been checked. We all just assume tragedies happened somewhere else to somebody else. I know I certainly thought that. My advice is simply if something feels off, ask questions, double check, speak up, even if it's uncomfortable. If you're the newest person in the room, because safety culture isn't built in big moments, it's built in small decisions over and over again. And those decisions are what make sure people go home to their families at the end of the day.

Ashley: Absolutely. Thank you very much for sharing that with us. And really nothing brings into a sharper focus the importance of building strong safety cultures than hearing from families like yours. Is there anything else you'd like our audience to know before we wrap up?

Jessica: The biggest thing I want people to understand is that when someone dies in the work in a workplace incident, it doesn't just affect one person. It changes an entire network of lives from parents and siblings, spouses, children, friends, co-workers. To the outside world, you know, my family, my life probably looks very whole. I have a husband, I have 4 kids, a career, a home. But there's always an empty chair. There are miles, so many milestones that he's missed and will continue to miss. Three of my four children will only know him through stories, and so I kind of live what feels like a parallel life. Especially as a sibling of loss, it can kind of sometimes get forgotten. And he's he was somebody who should have been here for all these big life moments. And that's what people don't always see when they hear about the workplace tragedy. They see a headline. My family, we live the aftermath and my brother was a hero in real life. Firefighters are heroes. And my hope is that by sharing his story, he'll continue to be a hero by helping to prevent another family from getting that phone call.

Ashley: Absolutely. Jessica, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your story and Skyler's. We hope that it helps families across Canada who’ve experienced a workplace tragedy to know that they’re not alone, and that it drives home the importance of workplace safety in preventing the loss of more amazing people who should still be here.

Jessica: Thank you so much for having me.

Ashley: For more information on the National Day of Mourning, visit our website, ccohs.ca. Thank you for listening and stay safe out there.